September 21, 2012
Missing the Gift of being Present
Continuing my bee learning metaphor (September 14)…
To be truthful, there were times I really wished I didn’t have to wear so much protective gear when I worked with my bees.
I discovered I wanted to be “safe” from being ‘buzzed’ (scolded by bees, in a sense, mostly for being in the wrong place in the wrong time) or stung (did you know honey bees give their life up if they sting you?), or protected from other pollinators (especially wasps, yellow jackets…)
Many beekeepers use their bare hands, no veil over the face (see Gunther Hauk’s website on the honey bee sanctuary in Virginia www.spikenardfarm.org )
Then I discovered that my wanting to ‘be safe’ made it harder to be present with the bees!
That was tough.
I do think there is wisdom here for our hearts in how we approach opportunities to be closer with those we love who are dying.
I am particularly speaking of being present in one’s heart. Sometimes I have felt like I wanted to be “safe” during my visiting. Maybe this shows up like talking about me, first, without checking in with the loved one, as to what they wanted or needed. And so I could end up just feeling like I was ‘babbling on’ feeling totally disconnected, from the person in the bed.
That I wasn’t connecting with what mattered for them. Even if I didn’t really know exactly what that was. Or even fearful of getting closer.
Sometimes silence is the best thing to hold on to or be present to. It takes the emphasis off of ‘just me and my needs’.
It takes an act of courage not to armour our heart when love and death really matter.
Have you had an experience when you felt disconnected in your heart from your loved one? What did you learn that you would like to share here with others?
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