“Got, got, got no time…”
We are SWAMPED, as these lyrics remind us from The Guess Who, (http://www.rhapsody.com/the-guess-who/the-greatest-of-the-guess-who/no-time/lyrics.html )
We have so much going on…taking care of others, our job, our business, our communities, our cars, our gardens, our money, our health. Did I mention, taking care of ourselves?
We’ve tried to or had to learn the importance of our own self-care, to not get run down or overwhelmed in our own life. We struggle with living a balanced life… If we don’t, how can we be there for others?
And then…comes a death
Each day we try very hard to take some care for our selves – even with ALL the responsibilities we have for caring for others. And then someone we love, dies – and our whole practice of self-care seems to go out the window. We are plunged into this awkward molten mass – of memory, of emotions, of thoughts
Why do we end up in that place?
We help others all the time. We trained for our profession, we apprenticed, we were mentored, we studied, we qualified, we teach, we train others….at every possible kind of work…
And as integrated as we strive to be… there is very little preparation anywhere in our culture for ‘death and dying’. Culturally we are ill prepared as well as personally. And it never seems any easier. Plus, each death we experience, triggers all the memories of all the other deaths. Why is that?
Where is our heart?
This IS what is so hard to do. To pay attention to our heart when someone dies. We feel we can’t afford that kind of time…after all we have “no time…”.
Our heart doesn’t leave our body when we grieve a death. We are still here – body, soul and spirit. But how can we pay attention…in a way that supports our desire for balance?
Death, candles and the heart
Here is something I have figured out. There is a rich connection between candles and our hearts. More specifically between hearts and bees. Now I am not the only one who has realized this, of course. I think many many people intuit a connection.
Look at how many candles are given at impromptu memorial sites of tragic accidents., for example. It may be hard to explain why, but people just do it.
Beeswax candles and bees are intimately entwined in matters of the heart. We can say that spiritually both are about Love and Death. As well both experience death physically.
Then I realized that there is another connection between hand rolling candles and our hearts.
Physically, as we roll the beeswax sheets, there is a corresponding turning in the heart….turning and facing that which frightens or results in fear. If we can notice.
A turning of the heart, towards the one who has died – not away from. I have observed this dozens and dozens of times.
The heart doesn’t stop loving someone when they breath their last breath.
Death is then actually a matter of/in/for/within the heart. Grieving and mourning a death is really a door through which we can enter to be in connection in our heart. A body, soul, spirit journey. Just like with the bees we need the courage to pay attention. To notice what our heart notices.
We need to make time for our heart. Making time in our heart for death IS a matter of the balance we seek.
Light a candle in your heart for someone you love…today
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